Let’s Talk About Negotiating
Before I quit my job a couple months ago, I tried to keep this blog mostly separate from the rest of my life. No real names, no face pictures, no connection to my personal Facebook account, and definitely no mention of my employer. (Advertising your plan to retire in your thirties or forties is not helpful for career advancement.) Now that the cat is out of the bag, I’m excited to be able to write more candidly about one of my favorite topics: negotiation.
My last job title was Finance Director at a car dealership. Not exactly a FIRE-y career– I literally rode a bike to a car dealership and then sold cars to people, mostly on credit. But the work was interesting and lucrative, and I appreciated my employer’s commitment to doing it with integrity. I got my start in car sales shortly after college after I came across a newspaper hiring ad seeking salespeople. At the time, my own car was increasingly unreliable, and the ad touted a big perk: company cars for salespeople. I didn’t know anything about cars, but I was also far from being able to afford a newer car or the frequent repairs of the one I had, so this seemed like a reasonable solution. Commission sales was a whole new world for me, but I worked hard, made good money, and moved up into management in around two years.
The skills I honed through this career are valuable far beyond buyer/seller transactions. The fact is, most of us participate in many small negotiations every single day. If you don’t think that’s happening in your life… it’s possible you aren’t doing well in your negotiations. Do you want your kid to eat her vegetables or put her shoes on more quickly? Do you get two weeks of paid vacation but you really want to take a three week long European vacation? Would you appreciate it if your spouse dressed up more for your next date, and even planned something special himself? Did you forget to use a really good coupon before it expired?
For obvious reasons, strong negotiation skills are helpful for people aspiring to financial independence. If you can get better deals on the stuff you have to buy, you’ll save money. But it goes beyond that: the relationships you build through negotiation can prove valuable in surprising ways.
This touches on the mindset the best negotiators have: it’s about the people. I know many folks conjure up images of sleazy salespeople and cocky player types when they hear the word “negotiate,” but that type of trickery is only used by people who don’t know how to do it right. Not only is that style ethically dubious, it’s also less effective. As Christians, we’re supposed to “do to others as you would have them do to you” (Luke 6:31). This obviously precludes tactics like lying to get a discount or a date. Proverbs 15:7 teaches us that “those greedy for unjust gain make trouble for their households”-- shady behavior tends to backfire in the long run, and often in the short term, too. Good negotiating isn’t about tricking people, it’s about figuring out a mutually beneficial resolution to a problem. Trying to make a profit to benefit your employer and pay your bills isn’t wrong; stealing or taking advantage of people is. Central to this mindset is remembering that we’re negotiating with another person. No matter how adversarial things seem, it’s key to not think of this person as your enemy– I prefer to mentally use the term “counterpart.” That is, someone like me, just trying to get through his day unscathed. Again, this isn’t just the morally correct way to regard other human beings made in the image of God, it’s also frequently a prerequisite to the best negotiation results.
Being ethical doesn’t mean you can’t push hard for your interests, assuming you’re not trying to get something you shouldn’t have. Honest negotiating and respecting your counterpart doesn’t mean weakness. Securing a great discount on a purchase is frugal and good sense. On the other side, trying to make a fair profit for your business is honoring your responsibilities to your family and employer. Convincing your friends to go to the restaurant you prefer is morally neutral. You can confidently use your negotiating skills to achieve your objectives in cases like these. Integrity doesn’t mean wimpiness.
Let’s consider a few common tactical mistakes unskilled negotiators make. Failing to have a clear and reasonable goal before getting started is a big one. This often comes up when people suddenly discover they are in a possible negotiation and feel a desperate need to do something, anything, not to be taken advantage of. But just like saving for retirement, having a defined objective in mind ($1.5M and a paid off house) early in the process is better than trying not to lose (“a lot of money”). Anger and other strong emotions are also major roadblocks to success. There’s a place for those reactions, and it’s not in the middle of a discussion where you need to be your sharpest. Another error I see more frequently with amateurs is negotiating with the wrong person. Your counterpart needs to be empowered to make decisions, so wrangling with a minimum wage employee at a big store is not only rude, but unlikely to be fruitful. In car dealerships, the best salespeople can quickly identify which person will actually decide if a car deal is happening that day– this is not necessarily the person driving or writing the check. If the decision maker isn’t present, it doesn’t matter how persuasive you are.
There’s a lot to discuss on this topic, so I plan to write at least a couple more posts on how to strengthen your negotiation skills. Subscribe at the bottom of the home page to get updates when I post new content, and feel free to email me directly at mammonsense@gmail.com with your own negotiation success stories!
